A social twist
I am going through a phase of life which has quite a huge social importance especially in India – The journey of finding a life partner. It is quite a lengthy process I’ve seen and felt already – With the importance of social image growing, the process of choosing a life partner is taking quite a change too. This time I felt like taking a stand, taking a stand for the ones who are different, who are not the usual kind. People in India tend to judge too soon. I used to be one of them. However, the journey of life has taught me a lot. Herein I’ll try and help you in understanding how every quality has its importance and how really could you go around choosing a partner after all.
Note:- I’m no expert at this. It’s just an experience that I share 🙂
Be proud of who you are
The first step towards finding the perfect life partner would be to actually know yourself. It is really important to understand who you are and what do you want with your life. Sounds difficult? Well, yes, for some of us it might be difficult. There’s always got to be a solution to a problem. This one has it too. The process I use to understand myself is to create a list (Courtesy: A friend who must not be named).
Create a list of things, list of dreams, list of desires, list of necessities for life. The list of things could involve some places, some experiences that you might love or hate, some beliefs that you hold. For instance:
- Love hill stations
- Love Travelling
- Hate fake people
- Hate unnecessary talks
- Hate long phone calls
- Love to hang out
- Love night-outs
- Hate social rules
- Hate nosy people
and many more. The next comes dreams, desires and necessities. These could be all you wish to be in your life and all that is achievable in your opinion. This may involve:
- Being independent
- Earning for self
- Not being just a cook
- Receiving a CxO position
- Being a successful entrepreneur
- Live a lazy life and earn the bare minimum – Yes, some love that too 🙂
- Lead a spiritually sound life
- Lead a satisfactory life
and all others you could think of. Once this huge list is ready, ensure that you are true to yourself. We could move to the next step.
Understand who others are
Every person comes from a different background, different culture, different situations. Their circumstances and surroundings change a lot in their life. Some hail from an affluent family while some might have made their living entirely on their own, some of us might have paid our own colleges fees while some might have not spared a penny when it came to having fun at college, some are kind, some are cruel, some are generous while others are not – Each aspect of life makes you a different person.
A person is built by the life the person has led – Every person is different and the list above differs for each one of them. Some are dominating, some are down to earth, some might have a let-go attitude while some might stick to every small thing. The best way to understand a person is to talk. Talking to a person allows you to know several aspects of the person – Likes, Dislikes, nature, understanding capability and smartness too. For instance, a person who continuously smiles might not be perfectly sane while a person unable to look into the eye might not be willing to open up to you. There are several conclusions that could come up based on different behaviour.
Another tactic to understand a person is to observe. It is difficult initially but as you make it your hobby, you would gradually be able to link a person’s behaviour with the person’s character and attitude. For instance, a rude or arrogant person would easily get distracted or angry, carries around a tough look to let others know that the person is angry. On the other side, a spiritually sound person might bear a smile on the face irrespective of what really happens or what the situation is around the person.
Match the list
Once you have had a talk with the person, observed the person, get back to the list. Assign priorities to all the items on the list – This means identify the items which you definitely need in life, identify the items without which you could probably survive and the ones without which there won’t be much difference. Thus, you would have a list which would allow you to decide how far could you allow a relationship to impact your life.
Now, you have known the opposite person. You have asked the person who they are and what is on their list just like yours. Based on your understanding and experience, mark the items which might be impacted by the person coming into your life. See how many of your most important items actually match with the person’s items too. This list will give you a great clarity on whether the person would be a good partner or the person might transform your life to a greater extent that. Do let me know if this helps 🙂
Hereby, I appeal every reader – Do not ever judge a person by looks, status or behaviour alone. There is a lot to understand in every person – the life the person has led in the past, the life the person life today and the life the person desires in the future. All these factors collectively define the person. If you feel the person is not a perfect fit for you, do not let the person down by saying it to the face. The person is unique in his or her own way and should never feel otherwise. Wishing you all the best with your life! Hope you lead a great one 🙂