What is in this article for you?
Everyone today looks for their selfish benefit; At least most of them look for it if not everyone. In this article, I discuss a very serious problem being faced by numerous people around the world. I also discuss how some of you might be the creators of that problem. The problem the world is facing today is lack of a person or a companion to share their thoughts, their feelings and their worries – basically a person who would Listen!. The problem isn’t just about sharing. It is about what comes after – Some try to solve the problem while some don’t. The article discusses in depth about this situation itself. The guidance here would not only help you in building healthy relations among friends and family but also help you in progressing in your professional career by improving on your communication.
Lonely – Among the group
Problems – Everyone faces a new one almost everyday. In this fast life where people keep running to achieve their dreams and leave behind the near and dear ones who cared for them, people often find themselves lonely. People feel that they do not really find anyone to share their problem with. This is the situation with almost every person who is facing a problem today. Despite travelling through crowded transport vehicles, working in an office filled with cheerful colleagues, a walkway full of people walking around you, you still find yourself lonely; you feel you need to talk to someone to make it better.
Mr. Fixit arrives
Solutions – I believe everyone loves to be appreciated. Providing a solution is a try to get appreciated after all, isn’t it? This is the role of people I call – Mr. Fixit. The Mr.Fixit people immediately jump to solve the problem their friends, colleagues or even strangers talk about. These people love to solve problems. When you approach these people with a problem, they hear you for a while and generally start judging you by what you say. The next step forward is to fix the problem. The person immediately tries to suggest solutions – Sometimes useful, sometimes quite stupid to just try to help.
The problem that arises here is that sometimes you do not really wish to get a solution; rather you just wish to share your problems with someone and lighten your heart. These people put a roadblock to your thoughts and words by providing a solution. There are two sides of this process.
Are you a Mr. Fixit?
If you feel that you jump to suggesting solutions, herein I advice something really important for you to understand. Whenever a person talks to you, it is really important to understand whether the person is looking for a solution or looking to share some thoughts without any need for advice. In order to understand the expectations of the opposite person, there are usually two ways out:
- Try to listen to the opposite person initially. Agree with what the person says, appreciate the person wherever you can. Add points to what the person is trying to say. If the person approached you just for the sake of talking rather than finding a solution, the person would gradually calm down or relax as the talk goes on. In such a situation, do not try to provide a solution unless asked for.
- The second alternative is to try to provide a solution initially. If the person takes interest in the solution, the person is looking for you to help in solving the problem while if the person gets irritated, stop yourself there. Probably, the person is just looking for you to listen to their problem.
Are you tired of facing Mr. Fixit?
What if you are the person who wants to talk to someone but the opposite person keeps suggesting solution ? This is a confusion many of us face when we just mean to discuss on something with a person. If you end up in a discussion with Mr.Fixit, all you need to do is clarify your expectations. Tell them that all you need is for someone to listen to you. Another perspective that needs to be taken care of is how to put forward your thoughts. For instance, if you suggest a person that you are in a great debt right away, the person is expected to get into Mr.Fixit role to suggest you ways to clear your debt. However, if you try to share the situation that led to your problem and then gradually proceed by sharing the ways you are trying to clear your debt, the person would empathise and motivate you to keep going. Thus, your way of communication highly impacts the response of the opposite person.
Sometimes all you need to do is – Listen
Like the title says, sometimes all you need to do is to listen to the opposite person. Do not keep a presumption of solving the problem of another person. Speaking about a problem takes the person through the process of evaluating the cause of problem and allows the person to think of the ways to solve it automatically. When you listen to the person’s thoughts, the person internally relaxes and feels an excitement of being in the right direction. A positive excitement leads to the activation of brain to solve the problem. It is analogous to clouds clearing the sky to allow bright light to light up the earth.
Benefits of listening to others
Listening to others not only helps in forming a bond with the person but also helps you understand how others think. It helps you upgrade your thought process by learning different point of views about every aspect. For instance, consider a person who is facing a problem with his spouse who frequently doubts him. There could be several point of views to this problem. Some might directly think of how to conceal outer life from spouse while some might think of being adamant about the way they live. Some might try to find the reason for the doubts while some might actually work on ways to increase confidence. When a person talks about either of the solutions, you get to understand the benefits and drawbacks of each solution. You might even get to know new perspectives to think of.
Thus, listening never does bad to you unless you are too emotional and empathise strongly with the person. Hence, here by I would like to advice every person reading this to listen; Listen to your friends, colleagues as well as family who is looking to share their thoughts. They might appreciate the time you spend and definitely feel closer bond with you for the understanding that you portray. However, the process of communication is not always limited to listening. You can feel free to suggest solution when asked for or hinted at.
Every person is unique in his or her own way. The thought process of every person depends on how he or she grew. Hence, when a person communicates with you, never be judgemental unless you really understand what the person is talking about. It is necessary to give sufficient time to the person to listen to him/her first and later decide whether to appreciate and motivate or help and guide with solutions.
In your life, if you do come across such a person who understand you well enough to listen as well as guide as and when needed, the person is a blessing. Appreciate the person and don’t let the person go 🙂