I feel the need to write this article today because I’ve been let down, I’ve been let down by a person after all the value I gave, after all I did to make her feel cherished, make her feel that there is someone to support. In my words, I was let down. In her words, its just her feeling that she needs someone else who made her feel special in her past. However, the ultimate point remains – I will get back, I will be the same and I will value her enough to give the person a better future than what she hopes for
1. Why do you feel the need to value?
As a male, we always have this deep desire to win – to win the battle of thoughts, to win the battle for a person, to win in each and every thing for which we put in an effort. As a female, you might feel good when you are cherished, you feel good when you are important to someone, you feel good when you are treated as special. As a male, this is what a male bets on to satisfy his desires of winning. He tries to value, he tries to make you feel good. There is a definite possibility of “role-reversal” as quoted in a famous book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. This book has changed my life a lot. There will be articles following which would describe the learning further. For now here’s the cover page
2. What happens to the opposite person when you value?
Valuing is never a one way process. Yes, it is true. You never just value. You build up expectations. You build up your beliefs about the person. You started building a need to see the person happy with the value you provide. In the same way, there are various possibilities of what the opposite person will think or feel. It highly depends upon how you present yourself in front of the opposite person, how you value the person. Let me lay down a few consequences and instances to give you a better idea.
Why are you piling on me!
Not everyone can deal well with the value you show to them. This may be due to their past experiences or their mindset or probably you are irritating – Yes you read it correctly. Sometimes, even care could irritate people when expressed in the wrong way. This leads the person to think that you are interfering their life rather than adding value to it. You should be very careful not to let this state arrive. This state can ruin your relation forever.
Do you expect anything – Why do you care?
Sometimes you might end up making a person feel the need to give something – It might probably be your level of servile behaviour which makes the person think that you might be expecting something in return. This will eventually make the opposite person feel that he/she is not able to fulfil your wishes. The reason usually is that you don’t have your wishes or you don’t really want to tell what you expect.
Wow! I must be special
When the person consistently feels this, when the opposite person is comfortable to be with you, wants to talk to you or just trust you and stay with you, you are actually valuing the person correctly. Your are providing the person value for his/her life and you are doing it completely selflessly. There are bad sides of it but the positive side always stands to over-weigh. At-least for me, when a person understands that they are valued, they are special and they must live their life like a special one, I feel good. I feel good to have done that to the negative life of people.
3. What happens to you when you value?
The first and foremost thing you do is that you invite emotional distractions, you invite fights and clashes, you invite mental instability if you are not practical enough to handle issues along with life. It highly depends on the opposite person, how it would affect you. A person who is cheerful and you value them for their joyous nature, you’ll end up improving your own life. If the person is emotional and thoughtful, you might end up affecting yourself randomly with emotional bumps which may affect relationship at times. However, if the person is depressed, be careful !
I do not say not to care – This is probably the type of person who needs you the most. However, they could easily infect you with the depression and negatives atoms. They spread that negative vibe. You need to have a tremendously high positive energy of smiles and laughter and talks to make it happen – To change the life of that person into positive one. The end result will certainly be extreme satisfaction because it would be directly from the person. The person thanks you if you have stood there in the cyclones and remained positive – The thanks comes from the heart.
There are always negative sides of everything. This also has it equally. The negatives sides will be discussed in the next part as the article has grown quite lengthier than expected.